On my birthday just 15 short years ago I was the lucky guy who married D. It was a bright sunny day and we tied the knot at the Findon Manor Hotel, in the village, not far from here. We have had an amazing time together, and D is the sunshine of my life.

It was easy to fall in love with D. She had a heart of gold, was loving, caring and funny, sometimes a bit scatty, and also a bit of a dare devil. D had a colourful personality and was fun to be with. Although she would deny it, she was also a woman of many talents. 

We often saw the humorous side in things at the same time and a few days ago I found a page in D’s notebook that reminded me of her more subtle sense of fun. I am a little hard of hearing and one day I obviously had not heard her say something, that was probably very important! 
Instead of raising her voice, or prodding me, she wrote a message on a piece of paper and quietly held it in front of my face. It just read “Have you got your hearing aids in?” 

D loved giving. She relished the opportunities that Birthdays, Anniversaries, Easter and Christmas gave her to give people presents. There are already two drawers full of gifts for her to give this coming Christmas, as well as cupboards full of Christmas decorations. She loved Christmas time and every year in December we would try to go somewhere that created the traditional Christmas atmosphere with Decorations, Carols, Snow, Reindeers, etc.

D was also generous with her time and would readily help anyone, even changing her own plans to accommodate them. This characteristic was reflected in her work as a Carer or, as she would often remind me,  “A Senior Carer”. 
D was acknowledged as one of the best at her job and much of this was her attention to detail, and recognising the needs of the people in her care.

Another of D’s many endearing characteristics was her unusual use of the English Language. She would sometimes use a word in a sentence that meant the exact opposite of what she wanted to say, and would then look at me questioningly saying “that wasn’t right, was it?”

D liked using idioms, but often mixed them up, such as by saying “as sharp as a button” instead of “as sharp as a razor”. 

I remember D saying she used to get excited when she was meeting me somewhere and would have “jelly babies in her tummy”, not butterflies like you and I have!

One of my favourite stories about her was when she arrived late to a staff meeting at a care home where she worked and announced to her colleagues “Sorry I am late, I was well laid by Mr Smith in Room 10”. 
D assured everyone that she meant waylaid!

If the right word did not come to D’s mind she would make one up, and when she saw the confused look on my face she would just say “Well, you know what I mean”. 
And of course I did!

D liked to make people laugh and I sometimes wonder if she may have done some of these things on purpose!

D was a good mimic, of anything and anyone ranging from the sound of a noisy washing machine to my favourite, the adults talking like children on the Haribo advert.

D loved life and had many interests. A lot of things gave her pleasure and were important to her. She loved her family, nature, flowers, scented candles, music, the smell of freshly laundered washing, animals, gardening, teddies, cooking, and so on. 

Over recent months when she became less mobile, D spent more time watching her favourite TV programs. She loved murder mystery programs, and the music you heard as you came in was the theme tune to Inspector Morse, one of her favourites.
She also fell in love with the boy band BTS, especially Jimin, and would spend hours with her ear-pods in listening to them sing and watching them dance. We shall be hearing a BTS song a little later. 

But of course D’s main interest and love was her family, whom she loved dearly, and was always talking about, and we shall hear from Simon and Sam shortly.

D faced a lot of challenges in her life due to her health. She’d had two operations before I met her and more recently underwent major surgery on her shoulder and then her spine. D was awaiting a second operation on her spine and it was very difficult seeing such an active person suffer the agony of the condition, and the side effects of the medication she was given to try and manage her pain. 

D was also troubled by demons in her head that made her do things she did not want to do, so she also had to battle against this, and endure the stigma that came with it. There have been very difficult times for both of us but together we were making the best of the situation, and gradually everything was improving.

D was a fighter and drew inspiration from her late sister Angie who waged her own brave battle against illness. This, together with D’s own determination and the support and encouragement of family and friends, enabled her to meet these challenges and slowly but surely she was getting the better of them, and she was upbeat about the future. 

Although frustrated by her reduced mobility D was positive and in good spirits. She kept herself as active as possible enjoying her hobbies and catching up with friends old and new, and having the occasional lunch or afternoon tea with them. 
Just a few weeks ago D told me that she had 234 friends on Facebook and when I asked how many of those she actually knew she proudly said “all of them”. 
And she did!

D had a lot to look forward to. She was excited about seeing Simon and Terrie get married. We were going to visit Oxford to see some of the filming locations for the Inspector Morse series that she loved, and to Christmas when we were planning a family dinner followed by a murder mystery game in costume that she would have loved. D was also hoping that she may get to see BTS in concert soon!

D was telling us she wanted to do a Sky Dive next year, after she had recovered from her second spinal operation, and having seen her jump off the Auckland Sky Tower a few years ago, I believe she would have done it!

D is a special person. I love her from the bottom of my heart and will miss her for the rest of my life. Thanks to D I have some wonderful memories of the times we had together and of a loving and devoted wife.

There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and live just a little bit better, and one of those was D.

Goodbye darling. Thank you for everything.

I love you more than you’ll ever know in a million years.

26 October 2022